This weekend I was intent on dealing with the underlying causes of the asthma. A dear brother does a form of shamanic work and I was guided by the Hamster to take some steps in that direction.
The night before we were set to do the work I had a dream that I was pulling a black tar sustance from my solar plexus out and burning it. It had difficulty lighting so I had to relight it several times. There just seemed to be more and more of this stuff but I kept diligently burning it to ash. I told the good Frater of this dream but no one else. Honestly I didn't understand it very much but it was completely vivid.
When we got to process of the Work I was told to hold two light round rocks in my hands. As I lay on the floor and the Work proceeded I encountered the most interesting sensations. Since the Working was not of my normal stuff, sometimes I have a hard time feeling the energy moving around and many of the images get translated wrong in my head. I have had this experience before and it is like trying to speak Spanish to someone who speaks Italian. Yes the roots are the same and you get the general idea, but some of the nuances are lost.
Before we got started I explained to my wards that he had my permission so that he did not accidentally get wacked by something thinking that I was being attacked. That just didn't seem nice :)
As the Work began the rocks started to grow heavy and I had the visual of a purple and gold pentagram pushing me into the core of the Earth. If I had wanted to lift up my arms I was fairly sure that I would not be physically able. Then suddenly it was as if everything became very light and I could have floated to the ceiling. Odd senseations to say the least. My first reaction to the process, was to instinctually astrally project out. I was forcefully shoved back by my HGA.
In the process he had found a thoughtform type creature that was made up of me hanging on to and internalizing basically other peoples crap. It had however been there long enough to have integrated into a spot in my physical body. It was not conducive to going peacefully as it was rather comfortable here. The shaman was communicating with my HGA during the process and asked his opinion. My HGAs response was "tell her what is going on and she can fix it." The shaman then came out of trance and asked if I wanted to get rid of it or if I wanted him to get it out. Instinctually I said "get it out now."
As the shaman was working to remove the parasitic thoughtform, another of my defense mechanisms kicked up. It is an instictual process of filling myself with light from Kether and Tiperath. Again my HGA stopped me and said "no that is how it hides." This thing was not going down without a fight.
After it was removed the thought form was placed in a small black candle and bound up for me to burn when I got home. In the place of the thoughtform the shaman placed a turtle spirit ( it volunteered according to him) in the void space so that there was not a hole open. It is temporary bandage until I get the lessons I need from the spirit and close the hole. As soon as he removed it I took the first full breath and exhaled without difficulty in YEARS.
After when we were talking I then told him about my dream with the black tar. I found that highly amusing and a sign that we were on the right track.
When I got home I went out into the grove to burn the candle. It did not want to light and kept going out. Suddenly I was very sick to my stomach. This was a fight I was not going to lose. I marched into the house and threw up. After I cleaned myself up a bit, I marched to my altar and grabbed a small pentagram candle holder and larger candle hurricane style holder. With Thelemic rosary in hand I started again but placed the whole thing inside the solar section of the vesica pisces. It lit, but tried to go out. I held up the lighter and told it "I have all night and I will just keep relighting this now go!" The candle finally started to burn. It was a very small candle and they usually last about 30 minutes. I sat out in the grove in the lunar part of the vesica pisces chanting a modified version of my rosary for 45 minutes. As I looked up, the full but waning moon just peeked through the trees. The goddess was watching. The candle was burning but every so slowly.
I went inside and decided to do some research on turtles as I waited. From where I sat I could see the single candle burning in the center of the grove. It was quite beautiful in its own way. After two hours the candle was finally burned to oblvion. I left the whole set up in the same spot and was encouraged to let the sun have a cycle before I cleaned the holders. I actually heard the song from the musical Hair "Let the sunshine in".
That night as I went to sleep I had two odd flashes. The first was of the glorious sea turtles I encountered on a black sand beach in Hawaii. The other makes me wish I was an artist like the Bone Singer. I had the most delightful image of my Hamster and the sea turtle sitting down to a very civilized snack and chat of tea and scones. I may try to sketch it and find an artist who can do it justice. The image is just fantastic to me.
So thank you dear brother your services are greatly appeciated.