Since I am on the new laptop, there will be no picture for this post. Think of it as more of guide imagery moment :)
So last night I had a bizarre dream that has taken me all day to figure out. I dreamed that I was on my back (I never sleep on my back so that in and of itself is strange) and a huge swan came out of my solar plexus about half way. I remember looking down at this huge swan and recognizing it immediately as HCOMA. She was half in and half out of my body and flying upwards without really the flapping of wings.
We moved through the roof and the sky effortlessly as I changed from me to a sphere. As we continued upwards I looked to see a brilliant white gelatonous mass all far above me. As we continued upwards parts of the me sphere started to fall away in meteoric type chunks. It was not like you would expect the peeling of a sphere but a malstorm (Not sure of the meaning but I did hear that word) of dross falling away. It fell away until I was just a point and the swan became invisible.
As we drew nearer to the brilliant white (moving I might add) mass I was terrified, I did not want to approach it. She gentle acknowledged my fears but made it clear that we were indeed going into the center. As we entered I think that I screamed. At that point I moved through like a cell membrane and was part of the big brilliant white mass. It pulsed.
From that point there was peace and beauty unimaginable. It was union with the Godhead or Kether. I was at total peace and I wanted to stay there forever. After a while I was told to go home. Again I expressed my opinion and like a child demanding candy was told gently and firmly "no". I woke up overwhelmed and puzzled.
I finally understood the dot in the middle of Kether was me/us/it/them/everything.
You would think that after such a glorious dream I would be peaceful and contemplative, but just the opposite is true. I have been pissed off and grumpy all day. I mean just flat out pissed and angry. Those are generally not my disposition so it is as strange as it is annoying.
I started my new Mercury talisman out of brass tonight. I will need more supplies but I think that it will be more efficient than my shriny dink versions. Not that there was anything wrong with those versions. I just cracked my mercury one. So it was time to upgrade.
There was a post about blood on Lavanahs blog that I found most interesting. As a sex magickian I have used my own blood in many alchemical and ritual settings. It has fertized my alchemical garden on a number of occasions. When I say there is a lot of me in my roses I am not speaking metaphorically. I have thought of what exactly I am going to do when I prune my rose bushes this year. There is plenty of wood for wands, but that wood is not for public distribution :) There is a little too much of me in the process.
I have seen child birth first hand and immediately identified the blood in her drawing as that of a midwife done with a birth. I was going to become a doula for a time, but got distracted by other things. Blood in and of itself does not bother me either in ritual or in daily life. My father was a hunter and I grew up on a ranch. Blood was just part of the process. I find it amusing that so many of my CM male friends are so offended by the processes of the female mysteries. Oh they talk a good game, but most would rather be trampled by wild elephants than deal with it.
There is a phrase in spanish that a dear friend used to tell me before I fell asleep. It is loosely translated into "dream with the little angels." Tonight I hope to do just that. Though I am fairly sure that there is no such thing as a little angel.
Peace be to all.
I Am Still Here
10 months ago