Paam Bitom and the Bear

So last night we worked the final vertical angel/name on the tablet of Union. We called PAAM and then BITOM as a stablizing force. I sat quietly and it was just too bright in the room. The two candles just seemed to be burning through my eyelids.

I closed my eyes tighter and then just put my hands over my eyes. Finally I started t get a very faint something. I again vibrated the names and got " I am here" It was completely androgenous. I then got "Saturn is a in a bad spot for our conversation, not for the rest of the world just you." I will have to look that up.

I started to ask for a form and got half completed symbols. They were random and like half of it was missing. I explained that I did not understand. I got back "You do not have the tools for fire." Gee thanks. I asked what was it's nature and received " You won't like how I can explain it." I said "OK thanks for the warning now please proceed." What I got was the sensation when you know you are pregnant. It is distinct and loud. I cannot explain it as any way but electric. I have miscarried 4 times and so it was right I did not like the explanation. Oh well. No one said this was a walk in the park.

So then it went on to explain that I just lacked the tools for fire because I perceived fire as anger and that I perceived anger as bad. I was told to work with EXARP and BITOM to fix the disconnect with the Tablet of Fire.

Then it got interesting.

I got a very clear image of a bear and a campfire. We were sitting across from one another. The bear got up and came behind me. It stood up on it's hind legs and stretched out its arms. I got up and did the same. I melted into the bear. I was told that I needed to be the bear. That there was symbolism in the bear woman native american myths and in Ursa Minor. ( Ursa Major is the Bear but I will have to look up Minor). It left me rather dazed and I opened my eyes.

I will have to do research on the bear and figure out more about it. My materal grandmothers family is Blackfoot and Dutch. I am not at all familiar with any of the traditions but perhaps there is something in there that I need to get aquainted with. The bear was the keeper of the toolset I need.

This should be an interesting adventure.