The Cub was conceived during a very successful Sex Magick Operation. His being here is a continuation of that operation. So far it has been a year and counting. Right after the Cub was born I started to get really bizarre and exquisitely painful eye pain. Traditionally unsealed energy comes right back in my right eye and this feels like the world is imploding on my iris. It has been a real challenge trying to keep up with my now exquisitely busy life. As of yet they have not determined the ultimate cause but have me on some breastfeeding safe medications. They do, however, knock me right out of my normal state.
Many years ago I was in the hospital and on morphine for the better part of a week. At that time I TRIED to do an LBRP. My brain was so fried that I determined that there was no way that any form of drugs would EVER play into my magickal work. I literally got LOST in a Q-Cross.
Yesterday, my right eye developed a blurred circle in the middle of my vision. It resembled how people look in ritual when they take on Godform. You can see them, just no details. It was fairly scary in all honesty. I came home and took the meds - a lot of them.
Well last night I was forced to eat my words. I finally found how mind altering substances can help you get out of your own way. Because of the meds/ drugs my normal mental defense mechanisms, were effectively on vacation. When my mind started to look at an issue that I had dragged around from a previous relationship and into the current one, I was able to look at it honestly. I was able to admit that my insecurity existed - which has been a huge step in and of itself. And then I was able to verbalize it to Tiger - sans ego and sans excuses.
A funny thing happened as I verbalized it, it lead to more Socratic reasoning. So as one honest question lead to another, I realized that the issue I had been dragging with me was not mine originally. One partners issue could not be dealt with by me and so I created my own issue to try to control it - as a REASON for their issue that predated me. Since I could not fix their issue I was out of control and that was far more scary than packing up an issue. If they did not like ice cream, then surely it was because they did not like MY ice cream. There must be something wrong with MY ice cream - otherwise they would like it. It is a nasty loop and the mind is a very strange thing.
As I babbled on honestly through the process to Tiger, I actually felt the issue be released. I immediately felt my heart lighter as I just let that go. When I woke up this morning I felt much better and my heart is starting to heal.
So while I am not advocating anyone start a heroin habit to cure a hangnail, I can now see the point. If used as a tool, this could be incredibly effective. I just think that you can reproduce these results without the drugs once you know the way. The risk is of course addiction and that would be counterproductive to the cause of freedom. Freeing yourself from your issues by placing your neck in a yoke is a tactical error.
LMD describes magick as the art of changing yourself. Last night a GREAT deal of magick was accomplished and insights were made.