It has been a while since my last blog post. Let's just say it has been an incredibly trying two weeks. The process has not yet played itself completely out but it has been a gut wrenching experience. I am now coming back up for air.
While I have always had an uncanny ability to connect the finer points of a subject, I often miss the big screaming ones. Perhaps it was my training at nerds are us, my math and science magnet school. Who knows...
So I have been doing what I always do when I need some clarity, I have been out in my garden a lot. We have had a hummingbird that I nicknamed Fred in the yard for a couple of years now. I am so fond of him that I planted flowers just so that he would come around more. Honestly the way he moves just amazes me.
Last year he took a special liking to Audrey II, a GINORMOUS Coleus that was feed ritual water. Literally she was 6 feet tall. Since she was planted in a large oversized tea cup shaped pot that looked like it escaped from the pages of Alice in Wonderland, she really was a tempest in a tea cup. She bloomed 2 foot purple spikes all spring and summer and Fred would come to visit the nectar daily.
When this years gardening was planned, I bought Scarlet Bee Balm, a Black Butterfly bush and Audrey III, just so he would have more reasons to stay. You could say that I was courting a hummingbirds attention. I stopped short of a feeder since the neighbors had one and I was afraid that the cats would have easy access to him if he got in a routine. They are not evil they are just doing what cat do.
So for the last couple of weeks Fred has been flying up very close to me and watching me. It started a few weeks ago and he was about 6 feet from me. He flew up between the red and white roses and just STARED at me for about a minute. Which I thought was closer than he would ever get. Yet it was odd to be stared at my a hummingbird, but I considered it quite a compliment.
On Friday, I went out and was watering the now blooming Scarlet Bee Balm. When all of a sudden Fred buzzed up to me about 2 feet away a squeeked at me for about 30 seconds. I have no other way to describe the sound he made. I was shocked and just stood there.
Today I was out watering away for the second time in the morning (yesterday was a bad day and I did not get to water). When all of a sudden I was watering the Scarlet Bee Balm again and Fred flew up to me and got with in a few inches. He was eye to eye with me and started Squeeking, waiting and squeeking. I have never wanted a babblefish stuck in my ear so badly before in my life. Every ounce of my soul was trying to figure out what was so important.
Well without the aid of the babblefish, I turned to the next best thing... google. My dear Frater was on the computer but graciously looked up Hummingbird Lore for me. Since they are only native to the Americas that was the source of the Lore. The first site, with the first entry stated that the Hummingbird was known as a representative of the Sun forever trying to court a woman who was the Moon. All I could think of was
"He is ever the Sun and she is forever the Moon" from the Book of the Law.
The next entry spoke of a legend of rebirth that is appropriate at this stage of my magickal development.
It was a forehead slapping moment. The alchemical universe is trying to get my attention and I am too focused on the bright and shiny things to notice. He comes to me first in the middle of the alchemical garden, but I ignore it because I am so intrigued by the messenger. It is time to unite the divided parts of myself by love and become that Sun and Moon. I am not sure exactly how to do that, but I have a few ideas....
I will keep you posted when I work out those details with the Hamster :)