There is seriously something crossed up in my Mars. At some point I will have to work on untangling it.
My one real day off yesterday was spent violently ill and just trying not to cry myself to sleep. It was not pleasant and my body has announced that the last 30 days did not go unnoticed. Damn.
So when I got into work today, I literally felt like death warmed over and then all hell broke loose.
When I was 19 I spent time in Yugoslavia during the war. The better part of 20 years later, I still go back to it anytime the boys at work get the munitions a bit too close. It is an occupational hazard.
Most of the time I try not to let it phase me and I go on about my business trying to keep a calm exterior. The interior is a whole other matter. Today was distinctly different. At least 30 times today the munitions were close enough to rattle the building and set off all the alarms. As long as the rest of the staff were around, I could sort of remind myself that they are not REALLY shelling me. Then for the last two hours it was just me.
I went outside to "check the plant", but in reality I just didn't want to be in that building anymore. For whatever reason, being shelled in a building was distinctly too close to home. The building in Yugoslavia were not the most sturdy and you were often better out in the open than taking cover in something that was likely to come down and kill you. I learned to fear the shaking and the after shocks. 20 years later it all comes flooding back. The mind is indeed an amazing thing.
It is unfortunate that I cannot drink. Today I would really like to just get good and blitzed. Then again like so many things in this magickal path, that which you cannot go around you must go through.
So here is to surviving and the sincere hope that one day the shelling will not bother me.
I Am Still Here
10 months ago