Pardon me you are stepping on my True Will

Many moons ago Lon gave a class as a precursor to the second Gnostic Mass workshop. It was a class given at Notocon years before and I think that the contents are worth repeating.

The unofficial title was "how to tell those 'above you' in the Order how to Fuck Off!" He told stories of his own magickal path and how a few well meaning but misguided souls tried to tell him what his True Will was. Needless to say this sort of overstepping, no matter how well intentioned, needs to be addressed. The message of the class was clear, no one but you knows what your True Will is and everyone else just needs to back it off. He reminded us that card of the Aeon has a child with a finger in the sign of silence. Sometimes the best Fuck Off! is indeed silence and withdrawal from the situation.

At the time of the class we all practiced saying "Fuck off!" a multitude of times. At the time I thought that this was well meaning but silly. I mean no one I had run into came anywhere near this.

Please fast forward to a few months ago. My universal landscaped has changed and I finally found someone who made this class necessary. While the details are not important the underlying message definitely is true.

If I had not had that class lo those many years ago, I might have been more hesitant to act. But as it was, I knew that there was a precedent and that the Hamster was right.

Large groups always have some large egos attached. No matter what their intent, when people overstep their bounds we have to have the ovum to tell them Fuck Off!

As it was the ergregore worked itself out neatly and all is well.

So for anyone who needs this message, just remember no one knows your True Will but you. If well meaning but over reaching egos are trying to tell you what your True Will is, please feel free to use either the silent withdrawal or the Fuck You method of self expression. Don't worry you have my permission and you have lots of precedent:)

Peace be with us all!

The Work of the Empress Part II - Cakes of Light the Great Flour Debate

As I prepared to make the Cakes of Light one of the questions that was raised was what type of flour to use. Local flavor has often used Kamut but I had heard that Amaranth flour was actually recommended in some of the older text. After some research I realized that both could be found locally at the Wholefoods store here. As a scientist my journey became clear. Some alchemical experiments were in my future.

The Good Priest made the journey to the store with me most willingly. Getting an incredible cook to venture into a fine grocery store is NEVER hard. After some serious searching we found several packages of preground flour. For the record they also carry the grain in bulk and whole. Winnowing and grinding all day for 2 ounces of flour did not seem like a good idea. So I paid the steep prices for both and moved on.

Saturday morning I was motivated by the Hamster to get my ass out of bed and get to work. He was just not subtle. I found the online recipe again and decided to split the 1.5 cups of flour into 3 options. The first option was 100% Kamut, the second 50/50 and the third 100% Amaranth. I did check to make sure that I could split the tablespoons into thirds and found that 1 tablespoon equals 3 teaspoons. This was MOST helpful.

The recipe I used was found at hermetic.com under egc. I tried to post a link but as usually technology just does not work for me.

Suddenly my countertop was a mini lab and my inner geek was just doing cartwheels. I set up the experiments just as I would any other wet chem lab.

I chose to start with the dry flours and then make a small hole in the center for the wet ingredients. I started with the leavings and noted how they resembled blood I had collected for other alchemical purposes. Next I added the extra virgin olive oil and it seemed to just float on top of the flour and not combine readily. Next I added the honey ( I chose clover as it is MY favorite) and it went through the oil and sat directly on the flour. Finally I added 2 drops of Abramelin oil into the whole mix.

I preheated the oven to 300 degrees and decided to start with the 100% Kamut.

I grabbed the measuring spoon I was using and began to stir and fold the mixture together. The first thing that I noticed was that the Kamut was course. Not just in texture, but there was something very unrefined about it. The leavings stained only the flour that it originally touched and became impossible to fold in to the rest of the mixture without streaking. While interesting, it was not the result I was hoping for. After getting it to a doughy consistency I kneaded it with my hands. Again it was rough and course.

I grabbed some wax paper and my trusty rolling pin. I broke off a piece and attempted to roll it out to a thickness of about 1/8 inch. What a mess. I ended up flouring the wax paper and putting oil on the rolling pin, otherwise this was an impossible task. The dough would not roll out as thin as I would have liked but it eventually got to flat. I found a large oil lid and used to it cut out the cakes. I then pressed my unicursal hexagram from my Thelemic Rosary into the cakes. Trying to move the 5 cakes proved impossible. I finally got them off and placed on the baking stone, but not very gracefully. I baked them for 5 minutes, but because of their size needed to bake them for about 5 more minutes. The came out OK, but still a bit underdone.

Next I repeated the process with 50/50 mixture. The two flours did not play well together. It took a great deal of effort to get them to mix and even then it was an uncomfortable truce. The Kamut again grabbed up the color from the leavings and streaked the dough but not as badly as the 100% mix. This time I started with oiling and flouring and the process went smoother. I also cut the cakes on the wax paper and then moved them to the baking stone BEFORE making the impressions. I was much more pleased with the results. Again I baked them for 7 minutes but ended up putting them back in for 3 more and they still were a bit undercooked.

The last mixture was just Amaranth. I was most pleased to see that as I started to combine everything the whole mixture turned this glorious beige with just a pink tint. It really is beautiful. The most interesting bit was that as I started to stir and combine, I got a glorious smell of Frankincense. To me this was a direct message from my HGA that I was on the right track. This is a temple incense but more importantly it is a SOLAR association. Since this is a solar rite, I knew I was on the right track. The dough just seemed to humm with life. It was sensory intoxication at it's finest. It also cut and pressed easily. I baked them for 7 minutes and again for another 3. They were closer to properly cooked but I will still have to adjust the time.

As if summoned by the smell of the Cakes, the Good Priest stumbled out of bed just as the last batch was cooling. We ran a taste test and determined that the Amaranth was our favorite. I was most pleased that the Amaranth tasted good because it was so functional on so many levels.

It was a lovely morning of Cakes and coffee for breakfast.

So while I will have to tweak the baking time due to the much larger size of the Cakes, I am definitely sold on the Amaranth. Yes, it is about twice the price as the Kamut but really well worth it!

The Work of the Empress part I

Pardon me for the long quiet spell, but I did not really have anything magickally to add to the discussion and no one wants to read through my internal dialogue. Trust me on this one. The internal dialogue of a pregnant sex magickian is like a word salad. So now I do have something to say and am most willing to share.



Up until very recently this card has not made much sense to me. I mean yes, I got the general symbolism in the same way that people learning a new language learn words. After a while you not only learn the words but the subtly and the innuendos.



The Pelican pecking her breast to feed her young from her own blood was a biological misconception left over from antiquity. Even long after we figured out what she was actually doing, we still liked the image and perpetuate it even today. It is loving and self sacrificing. It is everything we associate with the best of the maternal instincts and motherhood. It is III or Binah in motion. Since she is right above the Abyss, she is not just pregnant with a child but with creation itself. This lead me to my ponderings on the alchemy of the Gnostic Mass.



As I prepare for the role of Priestess in the Gnostic Mass there are some tools that need to be constructed. One of the many are the ingredients for the Cakes of Light or Eucharist. While Crowley only describes the bare bone ingredients for the process there are several good recipes online. There are several ingredients that are not just shelf ready. The first one I wanted to tackle were the leavings of thick red wine.



After considerable research, I finally found what that has been accepted to mean. When you make red wine there are skins and such that are left at the bottom of the fermentation container. At first these seem useless, but on closer examination they are quiet useful. Funny how that works.

Those leavings actually contain cream of tartar. It is a leavening agent. This means that when you add a bit of this to your cakes, they become CAKES instead of flat cookies. What seems useless is actually used in place of baking powder or soda. It also has the effect of looking tremendously like menses.

Recently a suitable substitute has been determined to be used. It does not have the cream of tartar properties, but it is functional. You take red wine, generally Port, and reduce it down into a syrup. I looked for Port at Bevmo but got a Hamster kick for two different red wines by the same vintner. They were both Red Diamond labels. I had never heard of them before, but when you look at the bottle it appears to be a stylized unicursal hexagram. Coincidence? Maybe, but I ran with it anyway. The two that I used were a Cab Sauv. and a Merlot.

Because I am a CM geek and scientist by nature, I did it on the most solar day I could get ahold of. I chose last Sunday during the hour of Sol to start the process. If I got any solar, I might catch fire.

I have been feeling rather like death warmed over lately, but the push and kicks that I received to work on this were similar to the Enochian promptings. Even though you do not think that you can do it, somehow all of the energy appears. As soon as you are done you need a large nap. I learned long ago to just go with it or it gets worse and not better.

I took both of the bottles and emptied them into our largest stock pot. I turned the gas on the stove up until it boiled and then down to a simmer. For the next 6 hours, I stirred and watched. Slowly the two bottles reduced down into a thick red syrup. As I was checking it frequently, it seemed to take even longer.

Towards the end of the process I added a few squeezes of clover honey into the pot just to aid in thickening. It was pure Hamster prompt but it seemed to take the bitterness out of the wine and thicken it just enough to be functional. After it was reduced down to about 200 ml I left it to cool.

After it was cooled I poured it into 3 small bottles and stuck them in the fridge. They look like thickened blood and have almost a black tint. They are really strange to see sitting in your fridge first thing in the morning.

In the next part I will talk about the flours and the actual making of the cakes. This will be an adventure!

Set upon the Summit of the Earth

The above is a picture of the altar for the Gnostic Mass. For the next foreseeable time, this is the only real sort of ritual and Godform work I will be doing. Sure there will be daily work and the occasional sex magick working, but this will be my main focus.

I now have all of the raw material for the tools necessary and must simply make the priestess robe. Since I used to a professional costumer, I really am out of excuses.

Last weekend we attended a Mass put on by my bishops. It was the first time I had seen either of them since our Lodge dissolved. It was beautiful and like home. My Tiger was one of the Children for the Mass and the Cub could not have been happier. While we were not in the normal space that I had seen them do Mass so many times before, it was the same place on a more spiritual level.

As the priestess assumed Godform and obscured from my sight, the Cub let out a little baby yell in my minds eye. I heard"Oma! ... Opa!" with little grabby baby hands. This made me smile as those are the dutch words for Grandma and Grandpa. In a magickal sense, he was very much correct in their assignment.

After, the priestess took me aside to tell me that she got a glowing light when I communicated and an image of a little dancing rabbit. Since the Cub will be born in the year of the rabbit, it seemed fitting.

As we all sat around talking about the specifics of the Mass, she pointed out what my other Bishop had pointed out. "Don't get bogged down in the details... just humm." Since two Bishops, who have not talked to to each other said the same thing - I really was listening. So details be damned, I am going for it. These ladies only have about 60 years combined experience in this ritual, so what could they possibly know about it (smirky smile)?

So as to prove the universal point, I was invited to do Mass in the first temple that I ever saw Mass performed in. I was flattered and realized that the universe had just cut out my LAST excuse. I was so honored and it will be like coming home. The amusing part will be that I will surely be the waddling priestess as it will then be followed by my baby shower. I will appreciate that the altar is not regulation size as I am set upon the Summit of the Earth. 42 inches and 3 steps is a long way down on tile.

So now primitive tools will be set out and my living room transformed. I will not be practicing so much the details, but the humm.

I can see the bigger picture here. It is not the specifics of the ritual that we tend to get bogged down into (you MUST hold your hand just so....) that really matter, it is the energy and the process. The internal energetic wobble that is created by fretting over the minuscea is far more damaging to the ritual than a missed word or tiny gesture.

To sleep perchance to dream. Peace be with us all!

Unintended Side Effects of Sex Magick and Alchemy

Sorry for the long absence but I have been experiencing some unintended side effects from a particular sex magick working. I am now 4 months pregnant. So here is really where sex magick meets alchemy. I am working on my very own crowned and conquering child or magickal childe incarnate. He is due in early April and has already proved to be quite a jokester. This should be an interesting adventure. At 37 why not have a first baby? We have both raised many kids, but this will be our first born.

I might note that the original working was also very fruitful, though not how I expected. There seems to be a lot of that going around.

For the early part of the pregnancy I have not been doing any Work, besides very mild daily work. I am just not sure what would impact the Cub. The one notable exception to this has been the Gnostic Mass. Early on, I received signals and signs that this was perfectly acceptable. The Great Ladies of both Babalon and Nuit have been very communicative during the Mass, but in different ways.

Since Babalon is not known for her warm and maternal side, I asked directly if it was OK to work with her. Her response was direct but yet puzzled me a bit.

"I offer you no harm" (This is a VERY good thing!) "but work with my sister." It felt like reading stereo instructions. It just was, very factual and to the point. All of my interactions with her have been at arms length and short. Her energies are just not conducive to me right now and I respect that. Proper application of force is always appreciated.

Nuit on the other hand, has been down right chatty. She told me and the priestess "not to worry" and told me that it was a boy. Needless to say she has been right on both accounts. She also encouraged/ instructed me to get up on the altar myself. So at some point soon, I will be the waddling priestess. It is best not to ignore invitations by divinity for too long.

The third Mass I attended after confirming that I was pregnant, was priested by my partner. For those who are not familiar with the Gnostic Mass, the priest starts off in the Tomb back behind a veil. He is for the intent of the ritual starting off dead and raised out of the Tomb by the priestess. As he was raised and started to pass by I heard and saw in my minds eye "Daddy!" with little hands grasping. It was wonderful and oddly strange all at the same time. The Cub as we call him is very expressive and chatty at times.

Recently we did some Work for an elderly family member who was going into emergency surgery. It was the first time that we had Worked for anything but a healthy baby since finding out I was pregnant. I did the divination, checked the planets, checked the moon stations and deemed it a go. The operation went smoothly until right after. After sending/ focusing the energy I was completely unsettled and upset. We closed and I was still upset.

It took me a while to parse out what had happened. For the entirety of the Cubs material existence he has always received the energy generated from any Work. He plays in it and rather enjoys the energy. There is a reason that I am practicing sex magickian, I am good at raising a lot of energy in that setting. He was downright PISSED OFF that I sent all the energy away. After some consideration another Working was done for him and he just giggled off to sleep. These are just not the sorts of things you can put into a baby book. Though I am most anxious and curious to see who this little one will turn out to be.

Well now back to sleep... to sleep perchance to dream....

Sex magick and alchemy

So for some time I have had the parallels between the stages of sex magick and the stages of alchemy running around in my head. This is what happens when you work long hours in the desert isolated from humanity. The mind wanders!

I suspect that my working with the Mysteries of the Mass, has stirred up some introspective bits. My universe works by my ability to connect what I am currently working on to a long string of experiences in the past. So naturally, the alchemy was going to play a factor in the process.

While not completely fleshed out, I will be working through this connective process and sharing the results.

My pursuit of sex magick has never been for purient interests. It is just how I am wired. At the end of the day we are who we are and fighting that is a pointless and fruitless exercise.

So for now, this will serve as a "things to come" billboard. Now off to contemplate the structure of the universe through my eyelids.

Enjoy your universe!

A comment about comments

So as many fellow travellers know, I am not technologies biggest fan. In fact I tend to kill electronic devices by my very presence.

With that in mind I would like to appologize to anyone who has left a comment or question and it had not been answered or acknowledged. I have this set up so that things can easily go under the radar. I am not ignoring you, honestly.

"It is not you it is me" :)

OK seriously, if you have had a question on something I posted and it did not get answered please repost it here and I will get back to you.

Also I am currently working on the Gematria of the Gnostic Creed if I find anything enlightening, I promise to share.

Enjoy your journey and travel safely my friends.