Response to a question about tools

Most of the time I walk away or ignore most discussions that start off arguing minuscia of the LBRP. Generally this is where people do that particular ritual twice and decide that they are ascendant Masters. Honestly,that part was old a decade ago.

This particular thread went on to ask about why we would even need magickal tools. For me this is where it turned and got interesting.  This is where the trap of ego gets big and nasty. This is where smart people do really stupid things.

Let me speak from experience here for a minute before we get into the why. One of the ego traps that springs up for smart folks is interpolation. Humans are pattern making and recognizing machines. Smart people have gotten lazy because those patterns seem obvious and you can takes short cuts to fill in the blanks. X plus Y should equal Z. The problem is that; it might, but it could, though it does not have to and it probably does not. Here is where we step in the steaming gooy pile of ego. Oh and is it ever messy!


The magickal tool is a mind training tool in and of itself. Once it is created you have learned to focus and direct that part of your mind. You have learned how to turn your scattered thoughts and energies into a concentrated laser beam of focused Will.

So let's take a magickian making a wand. They
start by finding out what type of wood wands are traditionally made. In my case I chose oak for personal reasons. Not the least of which is that I am allergic to almonds and that seemed like a very bad idea to be allergic to your wand. I cut the wood for the wand, wrapped it and dried it. After it seasoned for about 6 months in the blazing Sun, I sanded it and covered it in bees wax left over from alchemy work. There were many more steps but each one heped me to focus my Will through concentration and effort. At the end of the day I now have a laser of Will. No matter what my starting energies were I have intensified them by orders of magnitude.

So here is the final trap. Once you have created this physical manifestation of your concentrated Will you may or may not need it for your workings. After it becomes part of you then you can tap into that laser beam when needed. People who have integrated this into their universe can chose.

This is usually the piece of the puzzle that the naturally talented smart person grabs on to for dear life. Yes you can proceed without the tools but until you do the Work you are going to stay in the same spot energetically and magickally. Which is your choice but you should at least know why you are making that choice.

Off to Work...more latter!

The Work of the Empress part III - Ingredient X and ash

Here is an unfinished post I found stuck in draft form

Original found in draft form from 1/10/11.

So after yesterdays experiment with the flour, I was left with a considerable amount of dough. Since I had a clear winner, the other two experiments were really just begging to be recycled. It occured to me that this was a prime opportunity to create a lifetime supply of ash.

OK let me back up here.

The original recipes for Cakes of Light called for small bits of sexual fluids to be added to the mix. This is akin to the egg sack in which the embryo forms and is fed. As a practicing sex magickian I know that the fluids contain some fairly heavy magickal bits. It is our Victorian sensibilties that send most of us running at this point.

In the early 80's the practice was modified and banned for public celebrations. The concern over sexually transmitted diseases and blood borne pathogens was real. My microbiology background totally kicks in here. A compromise was found in the older text.

"... this burn: of this make cakes and eat unto me..." Chapter III Liber Al

It was determined that through sympathetic magick and the law of contagens, you could get the same magickal kick but without the risk of infection if you added a bit to mix and then burned it until it was ash.. (Here is where the draft ended)

So what happened that day was that while pregnant I made a lifetime supply of ash by adding a bit of fluid to an entire batch worth of COL dough. I rolled it out flat on a cookie sheet. I then cranked the oven to 500 

and let it burn for almost an hour. What was left I crumbed and made into ash. As I have a small jar of it and I only use a pinch, this should be a lifetime supply.

This seems to be a general standard practice. Once you cook something to the point of ash for an hour any biological issues are resolved.

And now you know.

The long road home

So I have been locked out of this blog for over 2 years. While doing some research for a recreation of the Enochian tools, I decided to try to sign in again. I have tried this numerous times in the past but today it worked. The Enochians work in strange and obsession filled
ways.

A quick update. I am now living in San Antonio.  Frater Anubis and I are married. The Cub is almost 3 years old. We started Camp 718 a few months ago. Frater Anubis is now an ordained EGC priest and I am officially a novice priestess. We have been doing Gnostic Masses here and in Austin at Scarlet Woman Lodge.

Lately I have been teaching classes at one of the local pagan bookstores. The last class was a reprisal of a talk I did for Totocon in November on the Cube of Space. The next one will be working on Sigil Construction and spares' alphabet of desire. I need to find a few books but that one should be interesting. We will first learn to banish as a class because I am not constructing those with folks who are dragging astral goo around.

Frater Anubis brought me a beeswax block a while ago as a little "I love you" gift. It appears that the Enochians have been at work on this project for a while. Suddenly I am feeling that old push for creation that is distinctly Enochian.

 It was confirmed last night that I cannot get access to the old tools and this pisses me off to no end. I worked incredibly hard on those. The tools were cocreated and so they should have been destroyed when we split. They are just so beautiful that I could not bring myself to do it. In retrospect I should have insisted on destroying them.

I will keep you posted on the progress of the new set!

Sex, drugs and magick

The Cub was conceived during a very successful Sex Magick Operation. His being here is a continuation of that operation. So far it has been a year and counting. Right after the Cub was born I started to get really bizarre and exquisitely painful eye pain. Traditionally unsealed energy comes right back in my right eye and this feels like the world is imploding on my iris. It has been a real challenge trying to keep up with my now exquisitely busy life. As of yet they have not determined the ultimate cause but have me on some breastfeeding safe medications. They do, however, knock me right out of my normal state.

Many years ago I was in the hospital and on morphine for the better part of a week. At that time I TRIED to do an LBRP. My brain was so fried that I determined that there was no way that any form of drugs would EVER play into my magickal work. I literally got LOST in a Q-Cross.

Yesterday, my right eye developed a blurred circle in the middle of my vision. It resembled how people look in ritual when they take on Godform. You can see them, just no details. It was fairly scary in all honesty. I came home and took the meds - a lot of them.

Well last night I was forced to eat my words. I finally found how mind altering substances can help you get out of your own way. Because of the meds/ drugs my normal mental defense mechanisms, were effectively on vacation. When my mind started to look at an issue that I had dragged around from a previous relationship and into the current one, I was able to look at it honestly. I was able to admit that my insecurity existed - which has been a huge step in and of itself. And then I was able to verbalize it to Tiger - sans ego and sans excuses.

A funny thing happened as I verbalized it, it lead to more Socratic reasoning. So as one honest question lead to another, I realized that the issue I had been dragging with me was not mine originally. One partners issue could not be dealt with by me and so I created my own issue to try to control it - as a REASON for their issue that predated me. Since I could not fix their issue I was out of control and that was far more scary than packing up an issue. If they did not like ice cream, then surely it was because they did not like MY ice cream. There must be something wrong with MY ice cream - otherwise they would like it. It is a nasty loop and the mind is a very strange thing.

As I babbled on honestly through the process to Tiger, I actually felt the issue be released. I immediately felt my heart lighter as I just let that go. When I woke up this morning I felt much better and my heart is starting to heal.

So while I am not advocating anyone start a heroin habit to cure a hangnail, I can now see the point. If used as a tool, this could be incredibly effective. I just think that you can reproduce these results without the drugs once you know the way. The risk is of course addiction and that would be counterproductive to the cause of freedom. Freeing yourself from your issues by placing your neck in a yoke is a tactical error.

LMD describes magick as the art of changing yourself. Last night a GREAT deal of magick was accomplished and insights were made.

Peace to us all and good night!

Hamster Kicks - quick note

While motherhood has been all consuming for a few months, the pull back into my magickal roots has began in earnest. The other night while rocking the Cub though a glorious bout of teething, I got the not-so-bright-idea to do an LBRP since energy puts him to sleep.

As I began to vibrate the Q-cross, he sat straight up and looked at me. It was not the look of an infant. It was an old Adept staring back as if I had just really stepped in it. The look on his face was a very distinctive "What in the hell do you think you are doing?"

Suddenly I was being scolded simulantously by the Cub and the Hamster.

The Hamster just sternly stated/ questioned "Do you really think that is a good precendent to set? Do you remember how much fun it was to overcome that when you first started?"

(Slight back story... my aunt used to put me to sleep by mediatating. It took me years before I did not just fall right to sleep after most magickal operations.)

So while I know that I gave birth to the Cub, I suspect that he is a very old soul. I suppose that only time will tell!

The St. Pattys Day Cubbie and Thank Yous!

The Cub arrived on St. Patty's day at 11:03 PM. He is my 9 pound 10 ounce preemie, since he was born at 37 weeks. Yes my friends that makes him a Pisces just like Mommy and brings the count to 4 water signs and an air sign in the house. Pray for the Aquarian Tiger, he will need it. Even the cat is a Pisces...

Pardon the disjointed nature of the post, sleep deprivation is well upon me!

After a challenging pregnancy and a difficult labor, I am pleased report that the cub is healthy and HUGE! While my plan was for an all natural delivery, I was pleased after all of the complications for some assistance from modern medicine. I am also most thankful for all of the magickal assistance from the Cabal and various glorious mentors. The fact that it went as well as it did is in and of itself a magickal act. Thank you one and all for your well wishes and work on our behalf!

As I look at him sleeping next to me, I realize that there is an amnesia that goes with birth or we would all be only children. On this the Third Day of the Book of the Law, I am also most pleased to have a happy healthy baby Horus sleeping next me.

While both the Tiger and I were bald until we were well past the age of 1, the Cub came out with a gloriously thick head of blond (which we thought was red due to a well placed bit of blood) hair. Despite the concerns over his heart, he came out wailing and left no question as to his lung capacity. After careful examination, they could find no sign of the heart issues. Again, there is a magickal touch there and I thank any and all involved.

After 5 days in the hospital I was well enough to get sprung from the hospital we never looked back.

Right after he was born I looked him in the eye and asked him "Who are you?" and I swear to you he smirked. I am not sure what Pisces hedonist decided to take another ride on the material plane, but this will be an ADVENTURE!

HCOMA, Babalon and the Blood of the Saints

It is 3am, so please bear with me...

The Lust card is near and dear to my heart for a number of reasons. Most of which have nothing to do directly with sex. I had several years to study the proof of this card in all of it's first print 8 plate glory. Last weekend I finally understood it.

The Cub is having issues and I dragged my Tiger down to Venice Beach to talk to HCOMA. She (your mileage may vary) is the Enochian angel in charge of all things fluid. I am talking about a really cosmic flowing sense, not just water. Over the years we have developed a lovely relationship and the beach has always provided a clear place to chat.

As I waddled down to the beach by myself ( quite a sight in and of itself) HCOMA was literally omnipresent. My goal was to work with her to bring about some healing for the Cub. It was old mother magick at it's simplest and finest. Since that 200 yard trip took a while, an interesting download of elemental forces in balance was downloaded. Everything about that area was flowing: the very wet sea air, the sand under my feet and even the marine layer of rain clouds above me. I was in the right place and she was EVERYWHERE.

And then something unexpected happened. Babalon showed up.

It was as if a pantheon of Great Ladies filed in behind me in an amphitheater to watch the show of the ocean. Normally I would have been disconcerted by several of the Great Ladies just showing up unannounced, but somehow it was I who crashed the party. I stepped into a current without recognizing that I was there.

At an earlier time during the Gnostic Mass Babalon had admonished me not to work with her energies because they were destructive to me at this point. So her appearance made me a bit uneasy. She then stepped forward and explained her earlier advice. She told me at this point in my life her energies could be akin to lack of self preservation that a mother feels for her child. We would die for them without question, but that is not conducive to their life before they are born. We are a unit for the duration and my self preservation instincts must be tiptop or I will injure the Cub. Then I got a flash of the Lust Card and the line from the Gnostic Mass about "admonishing the Great Sea". Then she went on to explain that her energies could be considered akin to orgasm and that it is self destructive in its completion.

In the Gnostic Mass there is a part where the deacon is reading from the Saints list to help get the priest into a spiritually erect state. The list is a list of male Gnostic Saints. They are what make up this spiritual erection. Suddenly spirituality and biology collided and I finally got it. The blood of the saints that she is drunk on has nothing to do with human sacrifice, it has everything to do with how humans get erections. Sometimes I can be rather dense.

I smiled and as the thought percolated in my consciousness, she stood back in the line of Great Ladies.

As I reached the waters edge, I was struck by how LOUD HCOMA was there. As I prepared my sigils and prayers, something odd happened. The planetary sigil for Jupiter that I was going to use, completely blanked out of my mind. Now mind you this is a sigil that I have constructed literally hundreds of times and I have a photographic memory. At this point I realized that this was a hamster kick to pursue another avenue. I pondered for a moment and constructed another sigil for the sand. As I completed the sigils and waited for the ocean to wash way my prayer, I noticed a series of what looked like small out outcroppings of seaweed. When I reached down to unearth one, I noticed that they were not seaweed but closed and living bivalves. They were ocean muscles. I laughed loud enough that even the sea gulls were frightened. This related directly to some of the Cubs issues and I took this as a wonderful sign of confirmation that my prayers had been accepted.

It is a very tightly woven tapestry indeed.

As I wadded into the water a bit, I was instructed to take a few particular shells to place back on my altar. Normally, I would leave the shells where they were but this was low tide and specific instructions. They were a larger half shell and smaller half shell.

Yesterday I went in to the doctor for follow up tests. While the original issue is still there, it does not appear to be impacting the Cub in the least. He is big for his age and feisty. This is how magickal healing has traditionally worked for me. The outward appearances are still there but they present no issues.

So mote it be.